Monday, February 25, 2008

Concerning the Oscars

Yes, I do enjoy watching the Oscars.  There's something about seeing all of the world's most famous people gathered in one place and having everybody make a huge deal about it while knowing you're worth more than all of them combined that just makes you feel good.  (Believe me it's a rush).  I was actually relatively pleased with Jon Stewart's performance.  What did you guys think?


Some of my peeps were having an Oscar party and wanted me to come but everyone had to dress up like a star present at the awards.  Why would I go and do something like that when 90% of them are coming to my after party?  I did consider showing up shit-faced and saying I was Cameron Diaz giving out the Cinematography award but actually had to stay sober last night.

Anyway, watching the Oscars is fun because you get to see a wide variety of emotion expressed by famous people whether spoken with words or simply shown in a look.  The tears of joy, drunken ramblings, and some of them just plain old pissed off.  But my favorite is the fake happiness most express when they lose; the Academy should give out an award just for who has the best fake happy reaction to losing.  When I lose (which only happens when I'm on vacation letting Steve Ballmer run things) standard protocol is to fire about ten people who really need the job, take away bathroom breaks for the programmers while they pull an all-nighter and hit the booze.  But these Hollywood guys really look like they were hoping the other guy was going to win.  Amazing.  

Hollywood is a big supporter of free speech, and don't get me wrong I'm all for it.  But that means when you give an old timer like Robert Boyle a microphone he's going to talk until his memory starts fading and even then he'll try to keep going.  At Microsoft we don't have time to let old people speak.  What new productive things do they have to say?  They'll just ramble on telling about how they used to work for a nickel an hour or something.  

I have to ask myself, why do normal people watch the Oscars?  Is it the same reason you all watch TMZ?  Do you want to see the famous "in real life"?  Maybe you only read my blog because you want to get to know the real me.  Anyway, most people don't give two shits about who wins what.  We should just scrap the Oscars and televise some event where actors, directors etc. can get up to talk about current events, politics and hobbies.  The only rule would be you have to have six drinks before you get up to speak; how bad ass would that be?  If someone were willing to produce it I guarantee them fake Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation will sponsor it.  Ultimately, the Oscar ratings aren't going to be anything impressive, if not just pathetic.  If they would have just teamed up with Microsoft utilizing Silverlight to deliver online video content things would have been different.  Maybe next year, if there is a next year...         

No comments: