Don't wait up Melinda

So Matthew McConaughey calls and is like, yo Bill I’m having a party, got any blow left over from Vegas? And I’m like; get your own bitch I have to get through the day. I could tell that really pissed him off and he starts ranting about helping me with my keynote video and how I owe him blah blah blah. I just say Matt, I’m the Chairman of Microsoft. So he starts crying and begging for forgiveness; it’s really pathetic. He tells me he’s going to the UT game tomorrow and really wants me to go with him. I’m like, Matt you high bastard, the friggin’ college season is over. LSU won. More crying, more tears. He says he really needs a friend right now… Sigh… Ok, I’ll hop in the Windows plane and stop in Texas but there had better be plenty of naked women when I arrive.

After a grueling flight, I get there to see McConaughey and FSJ sitting in the living room smoking cigars and getting BJs from the two hottest girls you've ever seen. Who the hell does that poor artist bastard think he is hangin’ out with my friend, smokin’ my cigar and receiving my BJ? Steve’s like, so Bill I heard you finally stole my blog idea too. That was it. I don’t remember how everything happened but the next thing I knew I was beating the shit out of him and McConaughey was pulling me off. Matt told me he was so sorry for causing me all the trouble of coming out to see him that he wanted to give me the opportunity to beat the crap out of my enemy. We had a great laugh over it. At least he got something right.

Steve didn’t have any money to get home and since I felt bad about giving him a concussion I let him use the Windows plane. What a loser. Didn’t hear him making any jokes about the Windows plane crashing.